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Page history last edited by PBworks 17 years, 7 months ago

Poems from 2002

© by azure chaos (NathanielR)




You opened my heart and laid it bare

Strewn across the floor just waiting there

A kiss, an embrace, for my disgrace.

Icey inside and needing warmth,

Locked in my dark desire.


I watch You, I wait, patient and alone.

Breathing barely, seeing all.

Wondering when the glass will shatter

Or if You'll catch me before I fall.


Broken in two my soul and body.

My truth, my reality, no ones shared,

No one could handle it... no one dares.

Searching deep with in,

My light You guide.

Calling to me across the oceans,

Sharing pain, dividing heart.


No one hearing tears shed in the dead of night

Spilt through the fear and loneliness with in.

Wanting someone there, but pushing away.

Longing, needing.

More and more I give,

Wanting to stop, but unable, Giving in.


You see my words, hear my soul.

Reaching out, whilst walking away.

A smile a kiss, a turn of the hips.

The chapter ended, pain descended,

Looking to the chill of the blade totake it away.

Hearing your words, feeling your care.

Hand stopped midway, not needed.

You're there.

The physical presence left with in.

Deep in my psyche, strengthening.

I fight... for You.



Reaching In


Your touch reaches in,

Sending shivers through my spine.

Your arms wrapping round me,

Make me feel sublime.


I long to hold you, need to show you,

I'm gonna be just fine,

Now that you're around.


Feelings and emotions never been like this

Heightened all my senses,

Like I now exist.

Reaching out to your care, I'm in override.

All the stars in the sky,

The sun, the moon and ocean

Like crashing drums collide.


Reality bites, knocks me down with a kick.

Never knew anything on earth could ever feel like this.

In your eyes I see it, exploring the new.

Touching my secrets.

I feel you.

Reaching my remoteness,

Creating my bliss.

Nothing on earth prepared me for this.


Long to hold you, need to show you,

I'm doing fine.

I'm gonna be just fine.

Somethings wrapping round me.

Shivering and shaking.

You're really all mine.

Now my life is gonna be fine.





Frozen solid, this heart of mine,

Wrapped in ice and cold inside.

Damaged and dented, torn apart.

Waiting for each beat of my hard heart.

Needing to feel,

something; anything.

The touch of steel against my flesh,

It bites, slices.

Looking for red.

A signal, a sign, a reminder.

A pain I feel, tangible in its existance.

The blood flow starts,

My heart beats again.

Alive still or alive once more.

Not dead yet, but always dying.



I Am What You Created


You took my innocence from me,

In the guise of setting it free.

Doing the world a favour,

That's what you said to me.

And yet with the eyes of a child,

A degree of trusting stupidity,

I believed everything you told me.

Took it all in.


Did so much to try to apease you.

To make amends for all I'd done.

I took so much from you,

And everything I am was wrong.

Satan lived inside me,

His blood flowed through my veins.

I never stopped to work out

If I was his child...

who the hell were you?


And so I continue your cycle,

Doing the job for you again and again.

Even when your gone you're here.

When I'm safe and protected you reach me.

The darkening look in your eye,

Your touch like medusa's stare.

And I feel you move with in me,

Your breath in every one I take.

Your grasp tight around me,

In every struggle I make.


The echo of deception runs through me,

Your spell I fail to break.





I close my eyes and feel it deep,

The rhythm of His heart beat

Working its magic in my mind and spirit.

Safe in His arms,

Secured by His care.

Wanting him, needing Him.

Knowing He's there.

I look down and see it,

His essence within me.

Coarsing through veins,

Easing it's path,

Leaving comfort in its wake.

Something changes with each heart beat,

The world shifts places.

A destiny once written,

No longer set in stone.

The ripped up rule book.

No longer feeling alone.



My Name on Your Lips


When You say my name something happens,

I feel a stirring within,

I open my eyes to all possibilities,

Recognising things I never knew existed.

A simple word spoken by many,

Never sounded the same as it does on Your lips.

My stomach leaps and I look at You.

Hearing You as though You were reading poetry.

Never knew my name could sound so sweet.

A name used in anger, fear and hate,

Yet when You speak it

An image You create,

Another me, who to You is different:

The one You reach out to;

The one You protect;

The one who's history and past we forget.

My name on Your lips makes me feel.

And the other me I regret.





Have you looked in the mirror and wondered,

Who it is that you see....

Not really recognising it as me.

Reaching out to the cold glass,

Reflection copies precisely.

Hand paused, palm to palm,

The pain revealed in the scars on your arm.

Looking with curiosity at a face,

A name you know but not on the inside.



I Wondered


I wondered what would happen

If the world ceased to spin,

When the bottom fell

From the universe with in.


I wondered what would happen

When your eyes could really see,

The person inside

The one hiding behind me.


I wondered what would happen

When you opened up your hand,

And the thing that you'd held onto

Was little more than a pile of yellow sand.


I wondered what would happen

When reality hit,

And the one you had been feeding

Caught your hand and bit.


I saw it all happen

As the dream turned to dust,

The fragile glass shattered

And your tarnished heart covered in rust.



Your Intimidation


You sit there, across the room,

Your presence intense and unyeilding.

My gaze I remove, but I feel your stare.

I turn away distracted.


The clock ticks loud in my ears,

Visions of hands whizzing round so quick.

I sneak a glance,

with a sudden regret

oh god your still there.


I should have realised,

Should have known,

How the hell were you going to go.

You have no way of walking by,

Sitting there, alone,

Impeding me,

Restricting me.


A constant reminder of what needs to be done,

What I have to face.

Signalling how much time I dont have left to waste.

(God I hate maths homework! ;))

© NateR Nov2002




The seam split and something ripped,

Why on earth do I give a damn

About what the hell you think I am.

A saint, a sinner,

A lost cause or winner.

To see me smile, should be your aim,

Not tears and sadness, heartache and pain.

But still I sit here,

Numb to the core.

Coming back, deserving more.

Hold me, touch me,

Never walk away,

Be with me until we reach that day.

The one where no more words will share,

And our hearts no longer really care.

When we finally reach that point in time,

When the sunrise fails and no more shines.

©NateR Nov2002




The world swirls past,

God slow it down,

It's moving too fast.

The colours blurring,


My head hurts and my stomach lurching.


Slow it down,

Spinning too fast.


I stop and the world carries on.

Moving around me,

Fast forward or rewind.

Does it matter, do you mind?

When did it get to be so complicated,

Standing up while falling down,

Walking the path, around and around.


Detail gone, obliterated.

My life story, previously gone,

Now being narrated.

Hearing it as through anothers ears,

Seeing it all unfold,

Pain, torment, hurt...

All those years.


Slow it down,

I'm getting dizzy.

Let me off the ride

The lights so bright,

They hurt my eyes.


The world spins past,

There's something in it.

Slow it down,

I want to live it.

© NateR Nov2002


The Hero within.


When I’m strong you walk alongside me,

When I’m weak you carry me.

When I push you away,

You pull me to you.

When everything inside me screams run away,

You silently whisper “stay”.


You pull the reluctant hero from me,

Shouting victory all the way.

Encouraging, strengthening, giving me the power to be.

I look at you in wonder,

Every day the same battles,

Patching up the same wounds.

But still you stand firm, defiant.

“You expect me to give up…? Well don’t you dare.

Don’t you know how much I care?”

Uttering the words that scare and panic,

Hitting the switch to find a place to hide.

Knowing you see something hidden within,

Buried from daylight, sheltered from the pain.


While some see uselessness or apathy,

Deliquency abound.

You see the hidden agenda,

Touching the core, with a smile.

“Look, see what I found”

“It was buried but I dug for it.”

“Precious as gold and twice as bright.”

You know, you see.

The rough exterior that masks the vulnerability

Your perceptions immune from my deceptions.

Delving in to the heart of me

© NateR2002

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