The Pit

Peering into the pit of dispair,

Is it safe to cross

Or shall I just wait there.

Paused before the big bomb blast,

Fighting all from memories past.

Looking down into the black,

Curiousity sees eyes glinting back.

Nervousness creeps up on me

Demanding recognition and release.

What can I do and what can I say

To make it all just fade away.

And when it comes to the break of dawn

Silence is lost with the dew on the lawn,

The sounds of bird song linger

A moment longer than it needs

As nature reveals its tragic singers.

Open wide the window,

Staring into watery light.

The early morn so precious and feeble

Wavering onwards destroying the night.

Leaning over the edge of the pit,

At the side, legs crossed I sit.

Crescendo of bird song reaches its height,

And from the pit, my beam of light

Stirs beneath the dark around me,

Reaching out with care and comfort,

Fills the hole with layers of concrete.

© NateR2003

HURT

I sit and look through the window of time,

Caught up and lost in my historic mime.

Head propped on long numb hand,

I stand...

Convinced I can tear myself away,

But the actors carry on in their silent play.

My life in action, displayed, resurrected,

The tragedy evolves, invoked, recaptured.

Memories cast into the ether,

Lost within the shifting sand

Only to be uncovered with your cruel hand.

Wounds long healed,

Reopened and raw.

Exposed pain of a heart still sore.

I put in you my trust most precious,

Convinced it was finally safe.

The wall with each significant brick brought down

You made me a prince... gave me a crown.

And just when everything fits,

Comfort in my heart and loving bliss.

My life complete and me in my place,

The trust returned to slap my face.

© NateR 2003

Circles

Here I go round in circles again,

Disjointed and lost

And so full of pain.

Here I go round in circles again,

The world doesn't stop

But it all stays the same.

Here I go round in circles again,

Waiting for something,

But I don't know its name.

Here I go round in circles again,

Upset and annoyed

While the world plays it's game.

Here I go round in circles again,

Heart seems to beat

But the hurt still remains.

Here I go round in circles again,

Watching the clock

Full of regret, feeling shame.

Here I go round in circles again,

Fall on the floor

Breath deep, sanity regain.

© NateR2003

Anniversary

When you touch me like that,

I feel your care.

Hesitance and need

Your feelings share.

I long to reach out but it all holds back,

And you get that sad look that felt like a smack.

When you look at me I see your pain,

It runs through me like acid rain.

The look in your eyes,

The tone of your sighs.

When I hurt you with words, deeds or lies.

You draw me in and warm my soul,

Forever telling me I make you whole.

Today is the day,

No going back.

When I make you smile

And share the love I lack.

That was then and this is now,

From trials and truths

Sun thawed my soul.

Fire and ice,

Beauty and beasts.

Histories shared,

Love released.

6 months have past, each day with growth

Patience and love and pain we've known.

Precious blooms of seeds we've sown

And as each day new things brings

My love for you bursts forth and sings

I love you.

©NateR 2003

{Untitled}

Did I hear you right?

Did you lose your grip

Or was it that you felt it slip?

Did the world turn purple, blue, red or black.

When the one you wanted ran and pulled right back.

So much time, so much effort.

So much pain and so many scars.

I wear the colour of the feeling within

The something i gave and you put deep in.

But when its gone and there's nothing left.

When the deep dark empty is the thing I've kept.

And the anger and pain just get too much

The guilt and the fear pulling from my gut.

Where are you now,

No longer here,

An empty chair and I cry out...

But you no longer hear.

©NateR march2003

He Slips Away

We spin around in this endless dance,

You and I like its our last chance.

I whirl you around like a carousel

But as the wind catches and holds,

Creeks and cracks and i start to let go.

Falling into the same old trap.

Only seconds crept past,

And you begin to slip through the gap.

Holding tight like my life depends,

Holding on to my soon long lost friend.

More than memory

Less than reality

Caught in between, feeling...

This non entity.

You have become,

A voice declared.

The thing unseen, hidden and swirling

Blinded, disguised, misguided, scared.

If you fall who will catch,

If I drop, will it smash.

Vision so clear, you're here in front of me.

I smell you, taste you, feel you... debase you.

Of what I was and what you become,

Sacrifices made where the story moves on,

Bated breath held by frozen one.

I want you to let go but I need you to stay,

Turning to leave but not walking away.

Deep breaths are taken for a long embrace,

Turning back to that familiar face.

Knowing the turmoil deep inside,

Watching the pain shift and slide.

You tell me to go but your body says stay

And I trace the lines brought by disgrace.

I look at you as you look at me,

Lost, alone, transfixed, displaced.

Open arms for a strong acceptance,

Forgiveness battles with our defences.

And inside the absence screams.

©NateR April23rd2003

Two Souls

A clash in the dark as heart to heart

Two souls dance together.

Winding around, a step at a time,

Fragile, delicate, half and half.

Move forwards, round and part.

Reaching out and touching,

Paths leading in, silent directing

Interactions, resurrections, complicating, reciprocating.

Palm to palm insecurities fall.

Three quarters in the violins call.

Time to step up and face the music,

Crescendo forming,stillness stalling.

Soul to soul similarities glaring,

Seemingly flawless, cue the chorus.

Fully aware, welcome the morning.

©NateR2003