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Goodbye

Page history last edited by PBworks 11 years, 9 months ago

Disclaimer: I don’t own the characters they belong to marvel. The song is “Goodbye my Lover” By James Blunt.

A/N://….// signifies song lyrics (can be skimmed past but I just wanted to include the song that inspired the fic.)


 

Goodbye My Lover

 

It shouldn’t have been possible. Remy had always allowed himself some measure of comfort in that fact. He’d always been led to believe that Logan was virtually invincible. So while he’ always been somewhat afraid of his lover getting injured it had never made him want to stop him from going on missions. He’d always been confident that Logan would come home to him every time.

 

But this time he hadn’t.

 

Remy stared out over the lake, tears streamed down his face unchecked. His hand was clutched into a tight fist around the metal band he held. The only thing they’d been able to find. Jean’s words echoed over and over in his head. He hadn’t wanted to believe it. It wasn’t possible and any minute now Logan would have walked through the door growled and told them what a big mistake they’d made. He’d be pissed they came home with out him. Just like he’d been pissed that they’d left Remy in Antarctica.

 

That was how things had really started between them. Logan had been the only one to care about the nightmares and the difficulties Remy faced with his recovery. In helping him back to full strength a bond had been forged between the two of them. The bond of friendship grew into something more and Remy had been so terrified of messing everything up and losing him, but still he found the strength from somewhere and told Logan that he’d fallen in love with him.

 

They had held a memorial for Logan, it passed in a numb blur, Remy hadn’t been able to cry it was like someone had pulled the plug on him and he just registered no emotion at all. He’d stared blankly as they’d planted a tree and placed a plaque. That had worried everyone. They had been together over a year and the rest of the team had grown to accept them and to some degree had forgiven him for his crimes. They had all worried at his lack of responsiveness. Ororo had simply led the numb young man around, making sure he ate and showered. That went on until a couple of days after the memorial; when the mansion awoke to find him gone.

 

Remy hadn’t been able to take it any longer. He’d thrown a few meagre belongings in a pack and taken off. He hadn’t even known where he was heading until he realised he was approaching Logan’s cabin in the Canada. His heart rate had picked up as he’d hiked up from the road. He’d hoped when he got there he would find his feral lover chasing Rabbit’s and the like as he’d seen him do a few times. But his heart fell when he found the cabin deserted, there was no sign anyone had been there since he and Logan had last visited together.

 

The Cajun had spent a couple of weeks at the cabin in his numbed state. Each morning he would awake with dreams fresh in his mind. Dreams where he’d held his lover’s hand, kissed his lips, wrapped his body around him. He woke that particular morning, the sun shining and the birds chirping happily in the trees. He woke to an ache that was soul consuming. He’d picked the platinum ring up off the nightstand and had intended to go out to hunt a rabbit or something to eat. Instead he’d ended up sat at the lake. Tears cascading down his face at such a rate he couldn’t believe he wasn’t flooding the place.

 

Memories of their time together and how close they’d become filled his mind. Happy times and sad times alike, Logan was the only one he’d allowed to see the real Remy Le Beau and he was sure that he was the only one who saw the real Logan. He’d seen the gentle loyalty, the fierce protection, the passionate lust and tender care, not to mention the fears that tormented the normally unshakeable man’s sleep. He opened his hand and looked at the small band, to all intents and purposes it was Logan’s wedding ring. He turned it over in his slender fingers. He read the inscription that was engraved around the inside, the words that he’d had put there. “Together always.”

 

A sob wracked his body. He couldn’t do this; he couldn’t go on without his love.

 

//I’ve seen you cry, I’ve seen you smile.

I’ve watched you sleeping for a while.

I’d be the father of your child.

I’d spend a lifetime with you.

I know your fears and you know mine.

We’ve had our doubts but now we’re fine.

And I love you, I swear that’s true.

I cannot live without you.//

 

His hand moved over the knife he’d brought out with him for when he caught the rabbit he never went after.

 

//Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.//

 

Still the tears fell and he looked down as the sun glinted off the blade. The dream of Logan’s hand in his, haunting his mind.

 

//And I still hold your hand in mine.

In mine when I’m asleep.

And I will bear my soul in time,

When I’m kneeling at your feet.//

 

He felt the blade slicing into his wrist and watched as scarlet liquid pooled in the wound. He sliced again deeper, slower.

 

//Goodbye my lover.

Goodbye my friend.

You have been the one.

You have been the one for me.//

 

He watched the blood leaving his wrist and felt himself getting light-headed. Remy lay down on the ground, letting the feeling wash over him. His body felt like he was being wrapped in cotton wool. He waited for death to claim him so that he could join Logan again. He hoped he wouldn’t end up in hell.

 

//I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.

I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.//

 

He was slipping away when a voice cut into his fuzzy barely consciousness.

 

“Oh darlin’ what’ve ya done?”

 

Logan bent down, tearing his shirt sleeves off and tightly wrapping them around the wrist to stem the flow. He scooped the bleeding man up into his arms. His hand falling open and the ring dropped out onto the ground unnoticed as Logan carried him as fast as he could down to his car. It was a 10 minute drive to the nearest hospital if he drove like a mad man.

 

“Stay with me Rem’s, please darlin’ ya gotta stay with me.”

 

//I’m so hollow, baby, I’m so hollow.

I’m so, I’m so, I’m so hollow.//

 

Logan crashed through the doors of the emergency room with the limp body of his lover in his arms. He could still hear the faint heart beat but it was slowing and time was running out. He heard himself calling for help and there was a clatter of wheels from a trolley, voices from medics and nurses and Remy was lifted from his arms. A flurry of activity ensued and Logan was left out in the corridor while they worked to save his boy’s life.

 

That was it, if Remy… no… *when* Remy pulled through they were done with the X-men. All that crap about never leaving a man behind, once was poor judgement, twice was a cardinal sin. He was done with them. He barely entertained the thought of what would happen if Remy didn’t pull through, he was sure he would go crazy and kill the whole team.

 

The emergency team worked for hours before Logan was allowed in to see him. He looked around the room covered in bloody swabs and the signs of hard fought struggle. They had had some problems because Remy’s blood had started to react badly with the blood they’d first started to transfuse, but fortunately they’d found a stash of rare blood that he was compatible with. They’d twice had to restart his heart, but he was alive…just.

 

Remy remained unconscious for almost 24 hours, when his eyes finally fluttered open he thought he had died. The room was stark white and hovering just within his visual range was his love.

 

“Ah must be in heaven.” He gasped and reached out a hand.

 

The hand was gathered up in Logan’s grasp just before Remy could hesitate. His brow furrowed when he saw the bandaged wrist. That didn’t make any sense.

 

“No darlin’.” Logan’s voice was thick with emotion. “Ya very much alive. Both of us are.”

 

Tears started to flow down Remy’s face, “Mais… Jean said… dey all said… dey had y’ ring.” He sobbed and stammered.

 

Logan nodded, “They should a known better. I was thrown one hell of a distance; my hand was blown off in the explosion, that’s how the ring ended up stayin’ behind. I realise how it must a looked ta them but they should a looked for me.”

 

“Merde.” Remy’s head swam.

 

Logan stroked his hand gently as their eyes locked onto each other.

 

“We ain’ goin’ back are we, cher?” Remy wasn’t really asking, he was stating what he’d realised.

 

“No Rems, we’re through with them.”

 

Remy stilled. “Cher, y’ ring?”

 

“Scott said he gave it ta ya.” Logan looked confused at Remy’s sudden panic.

 

“Ah had it in mah hand at de lake.” Tears started to fall again at the thought of the loss.

 

“Remy, calm down darlin’ we’ll find it. It’ll either be in the car or between where I was parked and where I found ya. I’ll find it, don’t ya worry.”

 

The Cajun swallowed the lump in his throat. “Je t’aime Logan.”

 

“I know Gumbo, an’ don’t ya ever pull a stunt like that again or I’ll have ta kill ya.” He growled protectively and tried to chuckle but it fell flat at how close he’d come to losing his boy.

 

 

 

 

The End.

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