Disclaimer: Neither BtVS, Angel or NCIS belong to me. No offence is intended and no money has or will be made.

 

---

Shattered

 

Skip to:

Chapter 1 Chapter 2

 

Chapter 1

 

 

Xander stirred, he felt oddly detached from his body: like he was surrounded in cotton wool. His brown eyes blinked open and he looked up blearily. There was a man hovering over him: green eyes and messy dark brown hair, he had a worried look on his face but as Xan looked at him his lips turned up in an almost goofy smile.

 

“Hey there, good of you to join us,” the soft American accent told him; Xander couldn’t place it, perhaps it was a mixture. Had he really been in the US?

 

“Hey,” he replied, his voice sounding weak and scratchy, he barely recognised it.

 

His eyes fell tiredly shut for a moment before he forced them back open. “Where am I?” he asked, rather belatedly realising that it must be some kind of hospital, but not knowing where.

 

“Hospital, you’re safe now,” the gentle concerned voice told him.

 

Safe? Had he not been safe before? He couldn’t remember what had happened.

 

“Hospital where?” Xander asked quietly as his eyelids once again felt too heavy to keep open.

 

A little frown furrowed the handsome brow of the man that was peering down at him. “You don’t know or don’t remember? You’re in Washington DC.”

 

“I don’t know if I don’t remember or if I didn’t know to start with,” Xan tells him tiredly.

 

The man looks as if he understands just before Xan’s eyelids win again. How the hell did he get to DC, the last he remembered…actually he wasn’t sure what he last remembered.

 

“Who are you?” he asked, curiously. He was fairly sure he’d remember the handsome brunette if he’d known him before…fairly sure! He pushed his eyes open again.

 

“Special Agent Tony DiNozzo.” There was no flash of hurt as the other man told him his name so Xan concluded they hadn’t met before.

 

“FBI?” Xan asked, confused when he processed the whole name.

 

“NCIS,” Special Agent DiNozzo told him.

 

“Oh crap I didn’t go and join the Navy did I? That would so suck,” Xan groaned, closing his eyes, desperately trying to remember.

 

There was a soft amused chuckle, “No.”

 

“How can you be so sure?” Xan cracked a single eye to look up at him.

 

“We ran your prints, if you’d joined up it would have come up. We don’t know who you are. You got a name?”

 

The ex-scoobie rolled his eyes. “Duh, course I do.”

 

The amused chuckle became an all out laugh, it was rich and warming, Xander wanted to keep hearing it. Tony DiNozzo was both easy on the eyes and the ears.

 

“Care to share?” the Federal Agent asked with a teasing tone.

 

“Guess?” Xan cracked a small smile.

 

That laugh came again. “Gimme a clue, is it something normal or something out there?”

 

Xander’s eyes dropped closed and he took several shallow breaths. “My head hurts,” he told him in a pained whisper.

 

“You’re already maxed out on pain meds,” Tony told him sympathetically.

 

Was that a hand running through his hair, he couldn’t make his eyes open to look up. “Normal…fairly?”

 

Xander stopped fighting the tug to sleep and let the hand soothe him under, his breathing evening out.

 

“Damn,” Tony said softly, “Gibbs is gonna kill me.” Still, he couldn’t regret it, the boy had obviously been in a lot of pain and doped up to the eyeballs.

 

******

 

“Tony?” Xander asked when he came round again, he felt disorientated again but that one name and face were still in his head.

 

“He had to step out,” another voice said.

 

Xander forced his too heavy eyelids to open and looked up at the man. He was much older than Tony, had silvery hair and the most intense blue eyes. He looked as concerned as Tony had. “Why are you all so handsome?” he asked and then wondered where the question had come from.

 

The lips quirked up in a half smile. “Who’s all?

 

“Feds, well, NCIS Feds anyway, if I’d known you where all that hot before I mighta…well I dunno…stopped by to say hello or something. Is it the Navy thing, or a Marine thing? I can guess I can see it being either and oh my god what the hell am I saying?” Xander’s eyes widened comically in horror at the words that were falling from his lips.

 

“That’ll be all the drugs they’ve got pumping into you,” the man said knowingly, seemingly unbothered by the rambling.

 

Xander tried to lift a hand to pat the side of the smooth looking cheek but the hand was uncooperative…fortunately.

 

“What’s your name, Son?” the man asked.

 

“Xander,” he found the word just fell from his lips where he’d teased Tony with it. He gave a slow blink, lids too heavy to lift back up straight away.

 

“What happened? Am I in trouble?” he asked, not really wanting to know but figuring he should try and find out.

 

“You’re not in trouble,” the voice told him gently. “What do you remember?”

 

Xander’s brow furrowed even with his eyes still closed. A slew of memories flashed through his mind then but they were not ones he could share. Nausea welled up and he almost felt like he actually turned green. The man suddenly had him turned on his side with a bowl waiting. He retched up nothing but bile but it gripped tightly at his stomach and insides and wouldn’t stop like he was trying to throw up his liver.

 

A solid hand rubbed soothingly at his back and the urges started to ease. The man, whose name Xander still didn’t know, helped him lie back down and then wiped gently at his mouth.

 

“The others?” Xander asked, his mouth tasted foul and his voice sounded rougher than ever but he had to know.

 

“You were the only one we found there, the others were all gone. We think they thought you were dead.”

 

“Comforting,” he managed to quip, not really feeling the humour. “There were cages.”

 

“Gone.”

 

Xander tried to shake his head but it came out like more of a jerky rocking motion. Pain, sharp and intense shot through him and he gasped, tears prickling the back of his eyes. “Who’re you?” he asked, trying to focus on something other than what had happened to him…to all of them.

 

“Special Agent Jethro Gibbs,” he introduced himself, he knew he should have done it sooner but there was just something about the kid that threw him off balance. Tony had said the same.

 

“Ok, gotta ask, what’s the difference between an agent and a special agent. And how much did your parents hate you to call you Jethro?” His eyes widened again, “Goddamn brain filter…always fails when it’s needed most.”

 

Jethro just gave a small teasing smile in response though. “You’re pretty fun when you’re stoned, can’t help but wonder what you’re like normally.”

 

“Pretty much the same but with less pain and a slightly better ability to keep my mouth shut…not much…just slightly,” he tried to smile but his lips felt dry and cracked, smiling threatened to split them open and he knew that would hurt.

 

Gibbs chuckled; there was something likeable about the kid. He wasn’t sure how he was going to tell him about his injuries.

 

“How bad is it?” Xander asked suddenly. “People only go from laughing to serious face if there’s something bad.”

 

He hadn’t even realised his face had changed, maybe it hadn’t and the boy was just incredibly perceptive. Not many people have Federal Agents sitting by their bedside waiting for them to wake up.

 

“Pretty bad.”

 

Xander closed his eyes letting the weight settle a moment before forcing them open once more. “That’s gotta be the vaguest answer ever. Tell me, please?” He wasn’t above begging, no sirree.

 

“Ruptured Spleen, bruised kidney, broken leg, concussion…”

 

He tried to feel the parts that were meant to be damaged but couldn’t get past the fog of the drugs. Jethro had trailed off and he looked up at him. He felt like he would choke on the way his throat seemed to close up at the look in those blue eyes. “What?”

 

“Your back was broken in two places. They’re fairly sure you’ll never walk again.”

 

Dully, Xander could feel the hand that was wrapped around his, he thought he might be squeezing the fingers back tightly but he couldn’t be sure. Evil had taken his eye, but a shaman had given him that back accidentally, now he’d lost his legs and there’d be no such opportunity. He’d be more of a liability than ever. He was out of the fight permanently it would seem.

 

“Oh,” was all he could say.

 

“We need to know who they are, Xander, anything you can remember about them could help us catch them,” Gibbs gently prodded.

 

His eyes felt hot and his face felt wet. He was crying, he knew he was but he just couldn’t bring himself to try and push the tears away.

 

“You can’t touch them,” Xan told him quietly. “No one can, they’re a law to themselves.”

 

“Xander, I assure you, we will find them. They killed one of my Marines, I have every intention of making them pay.”

 

The brunette shook his head. “You don’t understand.”

 

“Then explain it to me?” Gibbs urged.

 

He shook his head and closed his eyes as the tears ran down his face. There was silence for a long time and then a soft cloth gently cleaning his face.

 

He wasn’t sure if he wanted to call the Scoobies and let them know what had happened. They’d be worried about him, but if he called then they’d come running and he wasn’t sure he could handle that right now. Besides, would they even know he was missing?

 

“I was in Texas,” he said softly, “I don’t know how they got me from there to DC. These are powerful people, Special Agent Gibbs; you can’t get to them. I don’t think you should try…they can make you disappear…you and all your friends. Make it like you never existed. You should let it go…they’ll have already moved on.”

 

“How can you say that?” Gibbs asked him angrily, “After what they’ve done to you? Still could do?”

 

“They’ve already done it, they can’t do any worse. Even if they find out I’m still alive, I’m not a threat to them anymore.” That was what had got him in this mess in the first place.

 

“And all the other’s that they still have?”

 

Xander squeezed his eyes closed, tried to pretend they weren’t his responsibility, like he didn’t have to do something to try and save them. “You’ll get them killed if you try.”

 

Gibbs was frustrated, how could the guy just lie there and act like he didn’t care. He could actually do something to help find those animals and he was refusing. “You don’t seem to understand, you’re our best chance…” he huffed.

 

“And you don’t seem to understand,” Xander opened his eyes and looked up at him. “There’s nothing you can do.”

 

Jethro gasped, the boy’s eyes were glowing green, what the hell?

 

“What?” Xander asked as he took in the man in front of him who was now looking at him like he’d grown an extra head. Maybe he had?

 

“Your eyes, they were brown…now they’re…” Jethro used to be a Marine and had then spent 15 years with NCIS, he’d seen some scary shit in his time, but that just took the biscuit.

 

“Fuck,” he said succinctly as he squeezed them shut and turned his head away. “I can’t help you Special Agent Gibbs, I won’t have people’s deaths hanging over my head.”

 

Gibbs frowned deeply but decided that now wasn’t the time to push it. “We’ll talk about this again,” he said determinedly. “You got anyone you need contacting to let them know where you are?”

 

Xander thought about it, he really did. Ever since they’d closed the Hellmouth, the Scoobies had slowly drifted apart. They’d grown up in a battlezone and their friendships were forged in a war…one they didn’t need to fight alone anymore. They each had their own special projects after: Willow had Kennedy; Buffy and Faith took it on themselves to train the new slayers; Giles discovered that Dawn was a mini-me and watcher-in-training; Xander took himself off to find all the other new slayers out there; and, Spike…he was gone. They drifted, each of them committing verbally to keeping in touch, but a couple of times a month or less was the reality. They got together at Christmas, that had been the last big thing and that had been seven months ago…or there abouts. They probably didn’t even know he was missing.

 

He wasn’t sure how long he’d been held while they tested and pushed him. He didn’t know everything they had done, but he felt different. And Gibbs had looked at him, had said his eyes were different and Xander knew what they’d done. They’d made him into something else, something no longer entirely human. He couldn’t handle the way he’d be treated, he’d be useless to them now and pity was one thing he’d had enough of when he’d lost his eye.

 

When the boy turned to look at him again, the green eyes were gone and those sad chocolate brown eyes were back in their place. Gibbs wondered if he’d imagined it all.

 

“There’s no one,” Xander told him.

 

Gibbs studied him a moment before nodding. He didn’t know if he believed him or not, or if he was running from something…someone. Hell after what had happened to him, he really couldn’t blame him.

 

“Get some rest, if you need something shout, we’ve got someone on your door just in case,” Jethro told him, his hand resting on the warm muscular arm.

 

Xander resisted the urge to snort, if they wanted to get at him they could, but they really didn’t need to now. They’d already had him.

 

*******

 

Xander swam towards wakefulness, it was like swimming through tar, and he ached from the mental effort. Finally his eyes fluttered open and without turning his head he could see that the chair beside his bed was occupied. A familiar handsome face with messy hair was down-turned reading a book. His eyes though looked like they were closed. He took a moment just to study him.

 

He’d been surprised that he’d fallen asleep the minute that Gibbs had shut the door, he’d been convinced that he was just going to lay there with the whole mess playing over and over in his head until he went crazy.

 

“It helps if you try reading with your eyes open,” Xander said with amusement.

 

The head looked up, eyes open, and his lips pulled up in a wide smile. “You’re awake…again?”

 

He was slightly taken back by the genuine pleasure in the man’s face and voice. “Nope, just thought I’d talk in my sleep…how’m I doing?”

 

“Pretty good,” Tony said with a grin, “I’d give you an eight.”

 

“Only an eight?” Xander pouted.

 

“Oh god, don’t do that. I’m powerless against that,” Tony’s face looked full of fake fear. “Ok… a nine, but I refuse to go higher, I’ve gotta leave room for improvement.”

 

He couldn’t hold the pout and smiled.

 

Tony laughed. “You’re bad,” he said as he wagged a finger at him.

 

“I try.”

 

Silence fell for a few long minutes and only the sound of the clock on the wall ticking could be heard. Xander became all too aware of it; each tick sounding like someone was banging a door in his head. His eyes captured Tony’s and he could hear something else, slightly faster than the ticking of the clock and more…thuddy. Between each thud was a rushing sound. And then the whoosh of air like a strong breeze. His own breathing sped up as he started to panic in realisation of what he was hearing: Tony’s heart beat, the blood rushing through his veins and his steady breathing.

 

Tony’s eyes widened as panicked eyes met his: wide in fear and now a vivid green in colour. His breathing was speeding up, hyperventilating and he was whimpering. Ordinarily, he would have run screaming but there was something about the young man’s fear that pulled him in and before he knew it he was gently stroking his hair and holding his hand firmly.

 

“Loud,” Xander managed to get out with a whimper. He was fighting hard to get his breathing under control. Tony’s touch grounding him.

 

He didn’t know how to handle this, thought his head would explode from the pain of each thump echoing in his ears. But despite the little skip and jump that Tony’s heart had done when he’d looked at him, it was even and steady. Instead of trying to block it out he focused on it, concentrating on letting it lull him, imagining that his ear was pressed against the solid chest.

 

His breathing started to even out and the tension in his body drained away as the panic subsided, but still everything was so loud. He could hear conversations outside as clearly as if he were taking part in them, the sound of traffic rushing by outside through triple-glazed windows, the sound of someone else’s heart monitor. He whimpered again.

 

Tony didn’t know what else to do except offer his strength and comfort. The grip on his hand was strong and he couldn’t help but wince slightly. The grip relaxed and the other man’s breathing calmed. He looked down at him, the younger man had tears running down his face and it just about broke his heart to see.

 

“Sorry,” Xander told him, not really sure why he was apologising, but it felt like he should.

 

“No need to be,” Tony soothed, his hand still stroking the long brown curls. “You wanna tell me what that was?” he asked.

 

Pained eyes opened, still green but slightly less vivid. “They did something to me,” Xan told him, unsure what else to say if he was asked to elaborate.

 

“No shit?” Tony snorted as he used his heel to hook around the leg of the chair and pull it closer. He sat back down without losing contact.

 

Xan gave a tiny smile and fell asleep.

 

---

Chapter 2

 

 

It was a whole week before Xander woke up again. Their case had stalled and was looking like it might be doomed to becoming one of their few cold cases. Tony didn’t like that idea and Gibbs liked it even less. It had taken Tony hours to pluck up the courage to tell Gibbs what had happened with their victim. Jethro’s reaction had surprised him as he’d given a heavy sigh and rubbed a hand over his face. Then he’d told him that he’d seen the eyes the day before. Neither of them could work out what it was caused by and they had wondered if Abby might shed some light.

 

They’d taken it in turns to wait by Xander’s bed for him to come round again and when he didn’t wake up after more than a day they started to worry. Tests were done, an MRI, CT scan, blood tests, they all came back as clear. There was no physiological reason for him to be unconscious. Tony had theorised that it could be to do with the eye thing but neither of them had told the doctors about that.

 

It was on the fourth day of Xander’s unconsciousness that Tony had finally broached the subject with Abby. She’d been fascinated, wanted to meet him right away and started pulling out all kinds of books and journals. She couldn’t find a theory that would fit though and they were no nearer to working it out.

 

“Good of you to join us,” Tony said with a teasing smirk when brown eyes fluttered open and met his. “Thought maybe you didn’t want to enjoy my sparkling personality.”

 

Xander snorted, then his brow creased and he asked, “How long?”

 

“A week. We were worried. The Docs couldn’t find anything to cause it.”

 

“They wouldn’t,” Xan murmured. He ached in places he’d forgotten existed, arching his upper back as much as he could, he stretched.

 

“Why wouldn’t they?” Tony asked with a frown.

 

“They just wouldn’t,” for the first time since he’d woke up and seen Tony’s face he could move his hand and his eyes didn’t feel like they were being pulled down by weights. He reached up to scratch his nose, but Tony’s hand caught his and stopped him.

 

“What?”

 

“Tubes, go gently,” Tony told him softly.

 

The finger that had been poised to scratch turned into a gently exploring hand and he felt the tube that had been put in through his nose. “Ok, the thought of that is gross, I bet I just look really attractive like this.”

 

Tony chuckled. “You look fine. They needed to make sure you were getting enough nutrients, the last thing you need is to be malnourished on top of everything else.”

 

“Agent Gibbs told me…I ache everywhere but I can’t feel my legs.”

 

The NCIS Agent looked sad and he wrapped his hand carefully around the one with tubes in. “They don’t think it looks good. The boss, Gibbs, said you don’t have anyone to call?”

 

Xander shook his head. “I’m a bit nomadic,” he told him. “Don’t really have a base. I’ve got funds though. I guess I’m gonna need them with the medical bills.”

 

“Don’t worry about that right now.”

 

“Wasn’t going to,” Xander told him with a weak smile. He winced as his lip split and he tasted a little blood. “My mouth is so dry,” he protested.

 

“I’ll see if I can get you some ice chips or something,” Tony told him and left the room.

 

Xander stared at the ceiling, then at the wall, then turned his head to look out of the window. He turned his hearing to outside his room and was surprised when he could almost tune it in to where he wanted. So he was right, the coma was mystically induced. He heard the approaching footsteps and the steady heartbeat he was surprised to recognise, just before the door opened.

 

True to his word, Tony had a cup of ice chips in his hand and picked a couple out. He held them against Xander’s lips and he dutifully opened to take them in. The ex-Scoobie couldn’t help but hum in bliss as the blessed ice melted.

 

“Marry me?” he asked Tony.

 

Tony snorted. “My partner would object.”

 

“Damn, still, can’t blame a guy for trying,” Xan smiled.

 

“The case is stalled, our evidence didn’t give us much and the boss said you didn’t want to talk. I can understand that you’re scared…”

 

Xander shook his head. “I’m not scared of what they can do to me, they’ve already done it.”

 

Tony frowned.

 

“He didn’t tell you everything I said, I take it?”

 

“I don’t know, probably not,” Tony told him as he studied the other man.

 

“They’re dangerous and I’m not talking mob level, I’m talking CIA level. You can’t get involved in this or they’ll chew you up and there’s no guarantee that they’ll spit you out. For everyone’s sake you need to leave it alone.”

 

“Xander, these guys broke your bones and left you for dead…”

 

“And they’ll do it to more if I talk. As long as it’s left alone they’ll be fine. They only did this to me because I tried to escape,” Xan told him, willing him to understand.

 

“But…”

 

“No buts, Tony, see this?” he pointed to his face, “resolve face, I’m not budging.”

 

“Gibbs is gonna be so pissed,” Tony muttered.

 

“Pissed about what, DiNozzo?” the voice asked from behind Tony.

 

Tony jumped and spun round. “Hey, Boss.”

 

Gibbs stepped into the room carrying a styrofoam cup filled with hot coffee. Xander breathed deeply, the scent of it tickling his senses and stimulating his olfactory.

 

“Oh that smells good,” Xander murmured.

 

“Someone want to answer my question?” Gibbs pushed.

 

“I just told Agent DiNozzo that I can’t give you any information, I’m sorry, I just can’t have that on my conscience,” Xander told him, sparing Tony.

 

As if the scent of the coffee wasn’t enough he could now smell beyond that; his nose twitched slightly and he looked from one to the other and had to bite back a smile. Oh that was typical. He sighed.

 

“You’re just going to let them get away with it and keep on doing what they’re doing?” Gibbs asked, ignoring the once again vivid green gaze.

 

“What you don’t seem to understand is that you can’t stop them. If I gave you names and addresses with enough evidence to arrest them and put them behind bars for life, it wouldn’t be enough. Not that I even have that information but if I did all it would do is get you and those you love,” his gaze shifted to Tony and back, “killed. But first they’d torture you until you were begging for it to end. When I say you can’t stop them…you really can’t stop them.”

 

“And if you end up charged with perverting the course of justice?” Gibbs pinned him with his steely gaze.

 

“Then so be it. I’m not changing my mind and I’ve been intimidated by far scarier men than you Special Agent Gibbs,” Xander told him as he didn’t even flinch from the glare.

 

Tony was impressed, it took real balls to stand up to his Boss like that, he should know because he couldn’t do it. He felt kind of sorry for the younger man, he was pretty much caught between a rock and a hard place. He was getting the idea though that when Xander said these were seriously bad people that couldn’t be touched, he wasn’t exaggerating and he wondered how high up this went for it to have that effect on him. When it came down to it, what Xander was saying was that he’d rather protect two men he’d only just met than see them try to obtain justice for him. It touched a soft spot deep inside him.

 

“Boss, maybe we should let Xander get some rest. He’s been through a lot,” Tony said, giving his lover a pleading look. He rarely let their private life influence work but right now he would use it.

 

Gibbs studied him for a long moment then shifted his eyes back to the young man in the bed, his eyes ringed with black circles and a weary look on his face. He gave a nod. “One of us will be back in the morning,” he told Xander. “Rest.”

 

Tony met Xander’s eyes and gave him a smile. “No more week long naps, ok.”

 

“I’ll do my best,” Xan winked and watched them go.

 

*****

 

“What do you think they did to him?” Tony asked as they headed down in the elevator.

 

“I wish I knew,” Gibbs growled.

 

They’d both been severely affected by the case, it was hardly surprising since they’d been the ones to find Xander’s battered and broken body. They’d both thought he was dead until Tony had found a thready pulse. It had taken two days for him to wake up the first time, but most of that was down to the drugs they’d pumped him full of. He had to be in pain but he hardly complained about it.

 

“Maybe it was some kind of brainwashing?” Tony mused, “Like a cult or something?”

 

“What makes you say that?” Gibbs turned to look at him, sipping at his coffee.

 

DiNozzo shrugged. “How many people do you know would risk their own life to protect people they’d just met… and Feds at that?”

 

“Most people wouldn’t,” Jethro acknowledged.

 

They fell silent, the doors opened and a couple of people got in with them. As the doors slid shut Tony commented, “I get the feeling he’s not like most people.”

 

Gibbs just raised an eyebrow.

 

*****

 

“Knock knock,” said a familiar voice from the door and Xander opened his eyes and looked across at him.

 

“You’re sitting up,” Tony observed with a smile.

 

“I am?” Xander mock-panicked and looked down at himself, “Oh my god, so I am. How’d that happen?”

 

DiNozzo rolled his eyes and pulled a chair over. “The nose tube’s gone too, definite improvements.”

 

“You said it didn’t look that bad?” Xander pouted.

 

“It didn’t,” Tony started to panic at the sight of the pout. “I just meant it’s a good sign…that you’re doing better.”

 

Xan smiled at him. “They took it out this morning, I had to prove I could eat ok before they would agree to remove it. I told them if they didn’t take it out then I’d rip it out myself. Funny how they become agreeable after that.”

 

Tony laughed, “Yeah, funny that.”

 

“So, are you back to try and get me to change my mind?” Xan asked, cutting to the chase.

 

“Nope, I’m here to see how you’re doing and if there’s anything I can bring you,” Tony told him with a smile. He’d spent a good hour the night before arguing with Gibbs over the wisdom of pushing Xander to get him to make a statement against his assailants. In the end, he’d won and the subject would be dropped, for now.

 

“Oh,” he hadn’t expected that reply, “I could use a few things. All my stuff was at my hotel in Texas. I expect they’ll have dumped it by now.”

 

“You want me to make some calls?” DiNozzo offered as he sat back and looked at the young man.

 

“You wouldn’t mind? It’s just… there’s sentimental stuff.”

 

“Not a problem. Just write down where you were staying and I’m gonna need a surname too,” he pointed out.

 

Xander hesitated as he took the pad and pen from Tony.

 

“What’s up?”

 

“Nothing, just…”

 

“You’re not on the FBI’s most wanted list are you?” the Special Agent teased.

 

He snorted, “Yeah, as if. It’s not that. I kinda lied about not having anyone. I have friends, in some fairly high places. With everything that’s happened to me I’d rather drop off the grid. I don’t want to be a burden to them…”

 

“Xander, if you’re their friend then they’re not going to care about your injuries, they’re just going to want to know you’re safe. You won’t be a burden to them…”

 

Xander cut him off mid-sentence, “But I will. You don’t know them; don’t know what they do. I’m no use to them now and I’d rather not see their pity. Believe me, I’ve had it before and I don’t want it again. It’s best if they think I’m dead,” he told him.

 

Tony took a deep breath and let it out slowly. “I don’t know what to say.”

 

“You don’t have to say anything. I’m just asking for you to tread lightly, leave no trail back here,” Xan requested softly.

 

“I’ll see what I can do,” Tony told him, “But I can’t promise anything.”

 

Xander nodded.

 

“So, how are you feeling?” DiNozzo asked, relaxing back in the chair.

 

“The top guy and his crew have been round.” He lifted up his hospital gown and showed the rigid torso splint that he had on.

 

“Nice,” Tony smirked.

 

“Sexy isn’t it? Think I’ll get lucky in it?” Xan chuckled and reached stiffly for the orange juice that sat on the table.

 

“Without a doubt,” Tony said with a chuckle. “I’d give you my number any time.”

 

Xander snorted then looked at him realising he wasn’t completely joking. He took a long gulp of the juice as his cheeks heated slightly; he knew he had to look a complete mess right now.

 

“If you want I can get you some more attractive bed wear, some toiletries and stuff?”

 

He nodded and scribbled on the pad what he wanted and where he’d been staying. He wrote at the top the full name the room was booked under. At the bottom, he wrote in bold letters ‘twinkies’.

 

“You said they’d done something to you? I take it you have a clue, with the eyes?” Tony asked.

 

Xander looked down at his hands as he fiddled with the pen. “Yeah, but… it’s pretty unbelievable stuff, so…”

 

“More unbelievable than brown eyes suddenly glowing green and you being apparently able to hear a gnat fart at fifty feet?”

 

“Well when you put like that,” he smirked. “I’ll do a deal with you, bring me chocolate and I’ll tell you about it.”

 

“Sounds like a deal,” Tony said as he hopped up from his seat and snagged the notepad back. He snorted at the last word and headed out the door.

 

*****

 

Tony had been gone for almost half an hour and Xander had got bored waiting. He started to flip through the channels on the TV. He didn’t like to think too far ahead. The doctors had told him that the next few months would be hell, well he’d lived on hell and as far as he was concerned the worst thing would be spending all that time in hospital. He was used to doing things by himself, on his own schedule, and even having his meal times and choices dictated to him was grating on him.

 

The sneaking thoughts about what would happen after he got out of the hospital kept creeping in though. How could he go from wandering hunter to wheelchair bound? Sure he had savings but what the hell was he going to do with his life now? He’d always thought that with his lifestyle he’d get injured at some point, or killed outright. It wasn’t the end of the world, he knew that, but it was the end of the life he’d been living. And now he had to actually start planning for the future, he was actually going to have one rather than being six feet under before 30. That was a bit of a shock… he’d never thought about a pension or anything like that. It was scary stuff.

 

His hand kept flipping the channels, not really stopping on one long enough to get more than a passing gist of the programme subject. He wasn’t paying it any attention.

 

“Wow, you assimilate information at a formidable speed, and there’s me with a photographic memory…we could be one hell of team,” Tony teased as he walked in, kicked the door shut and set down a bag of shopping.

 

Xander blinked and looked at him rather dazedly. “I was zoning,” he admitted, slightly embarrassed.

 

Tony nodded seriously. “Sometimes it’s the best space to be in.”

 

He laughed and flipped the TV off, then rubbed his hands together. “So, whaddidya get me?”

 

“Yeesh, you’re like a kid that never got Christmas presents.”

 

Xan never replied, just raised his eyebrows.

 

“Please tell me I didn’t just put my foot in it?” Tony asked, rather desperately.

 

“There were presents, sorta…just not always from the people who were meant to give them.” His mind went to Willow and he felt a little guilty for wanting to drop out of her life, but it wasn’t like they even talked much anymore.

 

Tony looked confused.

 

“My best friend would share hers with me, when we got older she started buying me one out of her pocket money because she knew my mom and dad wouldn’t get me anything, they were usually too drunk to remember it was Christmas.”

 

“Well, I’ll just be taking my foot out of my mouth,” Tony said slightly chagrined.

 

Xan waved a hand as if batting the worry away. “Don’t worry about it, I’m so over it. I’m actually a fairly well-adjusted big boy now.” He smirked.

 

“I can see that,” Tony teased.

 

“So again I say…whaddidya get me?” Xan chirped and would have bounced if he’d been able to.

 

Tony pulled out a cellophane packet containing a pair of short pyjamas in blue and grey. “Approval or no? They said I could take ‘em back,”

 

“They’re good, better than this,” he said as he tugged at the gown.

 

“I got a bigger size on account of the splint and to make it easier getting it on and off and the shorts have a tie waist so they shouldn’t slip down.”

 

“Excellent,” he said already trying to get the gown off.

 

“Eager to get naked with me already?” Tony joked.

 

“It’s the hair, I have a thing about dark messy hair,” he smirked, thinking of his crush on Angel.

 

“Hey, this look takes a lot of effort to perfect.”

 

“I just bet it does,” Xan smiled innocently as Tony finally got the hint and reached around to undo the ties on the gown for him. “Now who’s trying to get me naked, does Gibbs know, cause he’s so not the sorta guy I wanna be pissing off.”

 

Tony squeaked and took a step back as if his fingers were burnt, eyeing Xan worriedly.

 

Xan sighed and rolled his eyes. “Relax, I was teasing.”

 

“Teasing, right. How did you know Gibbs and I…”

 

“I could smell it.”

 

“Oh,” Tony said as the gown finally came away and he set about opening the pyjama set. “That part of the eye glowing thing?”

 

“All part of the upgrade package, yeah,” Xan confirmed but didn’t elaborate.

 

Tony shook out the pyjama top, it looked like it could pass for a T-shirt and Xan was glad it didn’t look too pyjama-ry. “I got a spare set. I’ll take it home and wash it for you,” Tony told him as he pulled it over Xander’s head. “Arms through.”

 

“Yes, Dad,” Xan laughed and did as he was told. “You do this for all your paralysed victims?”

 

“Only the hot ones,” Tony grinned back.

 

“Yeah, I’m getting that. I’ll get a nurse to help with the shorts, if that’s ok. I don’t think I’m ready for that level of commitment.”

 

“Gasp,” Tony said with fake drama, “you’re not commitment phobic are you because I’m in this to the grand sum of twenty-six bucks”

 

Xander laughed. “When you get my stuff sorted, I’ll pay you back, promise.”

 

“I could collect in kind,” Tony said and waggled his eyebrows.

 

“And Gibbs really would fry my liver.”

 

“True… but not before he’d had mine.”

 

They both laughed and Xan reached for his juice as his dry throat made him cough.

 

“Ugh everything hurts too much,” he complained. “I almost wish I was still high on morphine.”

 

“They lowered your dose?” Tony asked as he unpacked toiletries onto the table along with a little bag to put them all in.

 

“Yeah, said they didn’t want me going all coma-boy again,” he rolled his eyes.

 

“Deodorant, toothbrush and toothpaste,” Tony announced as he placed the items on the table like they were the greatest gift ever given. “I took a guess on the scent.”

 

“I’ll trust your judgement. You look like a guy who knows how to take care of himself,” he winked. The flirtation between them continuing and neither one knowing how serious it actually was or if it was just for kicks.

 

“Shaving stuff,” he produced them, “you looked like a wet shave kinda guy, but tell me if I’m wrong.”

 

“You’re not wrong, although I think the nurses must have been doing that as I’m all smooth.”

 

“Actually, I think it might have been Gibbs while you were unconscious.”

 

“Good job he doesn’t know about your secret designs on me then,” Xan teased not quite sure how he felt about the older intense man having been the one to keep him clean-shaven.

 

“Not exactly a secret, I put a bulletin out over the hospital radio. They’re all taking bets on how long it’ll be before you give in to me,” Tony grinned.

 

“Oh I’ll have ten bucks on that,” Xan said excitedly.

 

“Yeah?” Tony asked curiously.

 

Xander just rolled his eyes and laughed.

 

“I would have got you a book but I wasn’t sure what you’d be into, so I held off on that. I did, however, remember…” he paused for effect then held up a handful of twinkis.

 

“Oh I am so having your children,” Xander declared as he made grabby hands at the cream-filled sponge bars. “Come to Xander.”

 

Tony gave him one and then stashed the rest in the bedside locker. “Go easy on them, ok, don’t want you making yourself sick.”

 

“Sure thing, boss,” Xan said absently as he pulled open the wrapper.

 

It was Tony’s turn to roll his eyes and he started to put the bits and pieces in the toiletry bag.

 

“Thanks, Tony,” he murmured around a mouthful of spongy-creamy-goodness, “I’d have been lost without you, I mean that.”

 

Tony waved it away. “Wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want to do it.” He didn’t know what it was about Xander Harris, but he couldn’t help but be drawn to him. He was fun even in the face of such tragedy, and he had an aura around him… he wondered if he was spending too much time around Abby with thoughts like that.

 

“So, the upgrade package?”

 

Xan held up his free hand to stop him while he savoured his twinkie.

 

Tony thought it was possible that the sounds of pleasure the other man was making might well make him embarrass himself in a way he hadn’t done since high school.

 

Xander was stalling, he knew he was, but he had the perfect excuse while he was eating his twinkie. He still hadn’t really worked out what he was going to tell Tony, how much of the truth if any. The last thing he needed was to be locked up in a straight-jacket on the psych ward. He knew that Gibbs would probably do that, but he wasn’t sure about Tony. They had a rapport going between them and the man had already realised that something not-normal was happening with him. How much more far-fetched could it get?

 

As he crumpled the wrapper up for the bin, Tony’s cell started to go off. The older man groaned and looked at the display. “Gibbs,” he told Xander and flipped it open. “Hey, Boss?”

 

Tony left pretty quickly after the short phone call; Xander knew what had been said but he didn’t let on, simply smiled politely and waved the other man away. They were working a case and it wasn’t his. He was somewhat happy for that. His craving satisfied and having drunk enough juice to drown a fish, Xander had closed his eyes and let sleep rush up to catch him.

---

!